Here is a list of various scientific methods of
approaching the problem.
1)THE NEWTONIAN METHOD: Let the lion catch you (let s
assume you remain alive here). For every action there
is an equal and opposite reaction. You will have
captured the lion.
2) THE EINSTEIN METHOD: Run in the direction opposite
to that of the lion. The relative velocity makes the
lion run faster and hence he feels heavier and gets
tired.
3) THE METHOD OF INVERSIVE GEOMETRY : The place a
spherical cage in the desert and enter it. We then
perform an inverse operation with respect to the cage.
The lion is then inside the cage and we are outside.
4) THE SET THEORETIC METHOD: We observe that the
desert is a separable space. It therefore contains an
innumerable dense set of points from which can be
extracted a sequence having the lion as the limit. We
then approach the lion stealthily along this sequence
bearing with us suitable equipment.
5) THE THERMODYNAMIC METHOD: Construct a semi
permeable membrane which is permeable to everything
except lions and sweep it across the Sahara.
6) TOPOLOGICAL METHOD: Observe that the lion has at
least the connectivity of the torus. Transport the
desert into 4-space. Then carry out such a
transformation that the lion can be returned 3-space
in a knotted condition. He is then helpless.
7) THE CARTESIAN METHOD: Take the origin as close as
possible to the lion. Then perform rotation operation
again and again. Initially, the lion will feel dizzy.
Finally it will fall down.
8) THE AUTOMATA METHOD: Use a non-deterministic Finite
Automation with epsilon moves from all states to the
final state, and no moves from the final state. The
lion will soon enter the final state and be trapped.
9) THE INTEGRO-DIFFERENTIA
Sahara over its entire surface. The lion is now
somewhere in the result. Differentiate the result
w.r.t. the earth s rotation. The resulting value is
zero, and the lion is no more.
10) THE TIME-COP METHOD: Use a time-machine and take
the entire Sahara back a few years in time. The lion
is just a cub now, and all you need is a mouse-trap.
11) UNIX METHOD: Put the lion on (the hard) disk Do :
ls -l | grep -i "lion" | cut $9 trapfile -i option
ensures that size of the lion does not matter Now the
lion is caught in a trapfile, and can be safely tar-ed
or backed up ....into tape !
12) LINKED LIST METHOD: Make a linked list of all
objects in the desert. Then delete the pointers on
either side of the lion. Make sure you are not AFTER
lion.
13) THE DIRAC METHOD: We observe that wild lions are
ipso facto not observable in the Sahara desert.
Consequently if there are any lions, they are tame.
The capture of a tame lion is left as an exercise for
the reader.
14) THE KALRA METHOD: Make a list of the lion s
whereabouts. Classify them into fuzzy sets. The lion
will get confused and fall into your trap.
15) THE SCHRODINGER METHOD: At any given moment, there
is a positive probability that there is a lion in the
cage. Sit down and wait !
16) THE HEISENBURG METHOD: You will disturb the lion
when you observe it before capturing. So keep your
eyes closed.
17) THE SHAKESPEARE METHOD: Hold the lion still for a
moment (I don`t care how you do it), recite
Shakespeare s Hamlet to it. The lion will change from
To-be to Not-to-be.
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